To My Future ❤
My cousin Patrick died in a car accident this week. He was only 35 years old. Today, June 16, 2012 he was buried. I’ll never again get to see him in this life. It hurts me tremendously even though I know he’s in a better place. I get on Facebook, and pictures and statuses about Pat are trending. It seemed like everyone in my hometown of Bassfield, MS was at the church today for his homegoing celebration. But I wonder if these same people, including me, let him know just how much he was loved? I wonder if he remembered all the times we spent together, the kind of impact he had on my life, on everybody’s life that he touched? See, Pat was a big old ball of happiness, goofiness, and smiles. ALL THE TIME! When you saw him, out and about, the first thing you’d see is his pearly white 32’s. Then he’d embarrass you by screaming out some kind of elementary school pet name for you, all the while grabbing you in a smothering bear hug. Every. Single. Time. He didn’t just treat me this way either. He made everyone he came in contact with feel like the only person in the world that mattered. He didn’t see color. Black, white, green, purple, he just saw the person, and he liked who you were. Pat was never a rich man, monetarily, he worked every day of his life, from High School, up until the day he died. But, Pat left a legacy. He touched everyone with his way, his selflessness, his love.
Time is so precious. We forget that we don’t have forever. Big cousin’s death was a wake up call for me. I’ve spent far too much time and energy being angry and holding grudges, and life is much to short for that. If I die and don’t get the chance to say I’m sorry to someone I’ve wronged, or accept the apology of someone who wronged me, then all that I do, all that I have done to be this “Better Sonya” would have been all in vain. Each and every person is important enough to love “in spite of.” Someone out there loves me “in spite of” simply because their love for God and His commandments, are more important than a grudge. We have this one life to live. Let’s not waste it creating grief. Tomorrow isn’t promised, I realize that. I want my legacy to be one of love, and joy, and I’ll live my life, one moment at a time, being grateful that God has blessed me to be a part of yours.
To you, you, and you: I apologize to you. I love you. I’m grateful for you. I’m blessed to know you. You are a gift to me. I am better because of you.
I’ve heard all my life that everything that looked good to you wasn’t always good for you. I’m a hard head, so I always chose what looked good. From the easy path, to the handsome man, even the “surface” friends. If it looked good, I was THERE! Then the consequences came. With consequences come regret. All of this is a never ending cycle of “why me’s” and “I’ll do better’s.” Once again, life turns around and sucker punches me square in the jaw. That does NOT feel good.
I’ve cried, repented, prayed, asked God for forgiveness, talked to the trusted friend, and done it all again and I keep getting hit in the face with the past. Sometimes memories of yesterday become so real that they begin to drown out my gift, my present. It gets hard to enjoy now because of then. We have all, at some point in our lives, sinned and come short of God’s glory. But when do I get a break? I know I’m not THAT bad! Why is this movie of my past constantly replaying in my mind. I thought God forgave me?
Now, regardless of the life I lived in my PAST, I have always known with 100% certainty, that the Bible is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Every single word of it is totally guaranteed, and even as old as it is, God’s word is TIMELESS. This means that the word of God, and all the promises it holds, continue to remain valid and relevant, even today, even for me. FOR ME!!! Even, for a wretch like me.
FYI BREAK — All of this is coming to my mind as I’m speaking to you. The Holy Spirit within me. This is my revelation, my testimonies in black and white. I’m not the only person feeling this way. My hope is that you gain some clarity in your own struggles from my mistakes.
When God forgives, it’s over. The slate is clean. Now, we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions, and OUR memories will still linger, but a humble heart seeking forgiveness receives just that. The issues come in when we decide to hold on to the past, when we don’t forgive ourselves.
These scriptures are examples of His Mercy — Micah 7:18-19 & Nehemiah 9:31
This scripture, Luke 6:37, stuck out to me. The end of it says … forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.
Okay, so, am I the only person that just had a “I could have had a V8” moment?
It seems so super duper simple. If I forgive myself, if I forgive others, I shall be forgiven. It seems so simple yet so hard. I realize that we tend to focus on what’s important. We build a life around our main focus. If my life is shaped around a problem, then it gains priority. Is there any room left for God?
Well, once more and again, God is putting things in perspective for me. I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to obey.
Reposted from my old blog BoredNappy
I’ve been having an affair for too many years to count. No matter how much fun we had, I would always feel empty afterwards. It always felt like there should be something else. I never really felt complete. I catered to him, but it was never enough. He always wanted more. I gave my time, my energy, and opened my heart over and over again for it to just be snatched out and stepped on.
But, there was always someone waiting for me. He was always patient, always kind. He encouraged me and picked me up when I’d fall. He was always there with an encouraging word or a listening ear. When I was upset, he would just hold me and remind me that he’s here. He wanted to be my everything. I never understood why? I ignored him until I needed him. I rarely visited. He just wanted a chance and I wouldn’t give it to him. Just when I would feel myself beginning to give in to his pleading, I’d run away. He would ask me to trust him, I’d say no because I’m afraid. He wanted to help me. I told him I was independent. He knew everything about me, but he still wanted me. He accepted me regardless of all the bad I’d done. That still amazes me.
I’m too tired. I can’t run anymore. Well, all his pleading kinda got to me. I’m in love! It’s amazing that he waited until I was ready to love him back. The first time I paid attention to his touch, I felt brand spanking new. He made all my senses come alive. I finally “found” the man of my dreams, and he’s been here all along. It’s like a fairy tale and finally I get to be the Cinderella. And yes, my glass slipper fits perfectly!
My only regret is that I didn’t allow Christ into my life sooner…
We are all a tiny part of a social circle in some form or fashion. We spend the mandatory 8 hours with our coworkers, chill out with family, and the majority of us are online using Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Tumbler, Instagram, etc… You get the point. At the end of the day, after spending time with the rest of the world, we just want a bubble bath and a good night’s rest so we can do it all over again tomorrow. In the midst of all this, when does God get his personal time? Is He even on our lists of priorities, or just an afterthought? Do you give Him a quick, “Thank you Lord for this day” in the morning and a rushed, “Lord you’re worthy,” in the evening? I’m just as guilty as everybody else. I’m not perfect at all. But I feel convicted because I know I haven’t devoted myself to quiet time with Him, and I know that I should.
God should be our first, last, and everything in between. We give excuses so often to justify reasons why we don’t have the time to have a true conversation with Daddy. One of the most overused excuses I’ve heard is, “God knows my heart.” We’ve got to do better.
FYI Break: When I’m writing to you, you, and you, I’m ministering to myself FIRST. These posts are my thoughts, my feelings, my heart’s story. This is my online journal, and basically, I just felt the need to share it with you. If you feel like you’re being pointed out, reevaluate yourself. It may be the beginning of your personal revelation.
It’s true. God does know our hearts. He knew us, and created an assignment for our lives even before our creation. But a real relationship takes time and requires sacrifice on both parts. Spirituality requires effort. We are a “microwave generation.” We expect everything to come quick and easy. Well, I’m a living witness, that we do NOT serve a “microwave” God. Ten years to us is merely a blink of an eye to God. We have to make a truly conscious decision to keep our relationship healthy.
Maybe we’ll have to sacrifice a bit of sleep sometimes just to sit down and listen to Him. Basking in His presence will put a completely different spin on every part of your day. Fasting also plays a crucial part in becoming more in tune with your Spiritual life. The most important person to Him is You. That makes YOU your greatest offering.
Need more proof? Click here > Matthew 6:33, Romans 12:1, Psalm 45:11 <
It’s an amazing feeling to start something new, to step out in faith and do something that’s been on your mind forever. It fulfills you to actually know your purpose, then to begin moving in that purpose. Often we become so excited about our new “project” that we want to tell the world. We want everyone to be as pumped up about it as we are. That’s not always the case. Everybody in your life will not be overjoyed about your new “moving forward” mentality. Here comes the haters, the naysayers, the jealousy, and rudeness. First of all, realize that not everything is for everybody. When your business becomes public knowledge, then their opinion, in their minds, become a Holy Grail. Makes you wish you kept it to yourself huh?
When you step outside the limitations of your comfort zone, and you begin moving deeper, higher, closer to Christ, you cannot take everything or everyone with you. Your obedience in carrying out the will of God in your life will also require the sacrifice of the things and/or people that may have caused your separation from Him in the past. In order to receive all the benefits of a relationship with God, we have to first learn and put into practice, the art of keeping relationship business to ourselves. Often, what God gives you as revelation, is only for YOU at that moment and possibly for others later.
Proverbs 2:10-13 When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness