Tag Archives: learning

Aside

There’s really no in between with me.  I’m either for you or I don’t care. I feel love or indifference.  I do have a rather blunt personality.  Because of this, I don’t tolerate disorder and mess well.  I don’t revel in it. And it sure enough does not make my liver quiver.  I’m a very solitary person.  I enjoy being home, spending time with my son, and yup, that’s about it.  Church, home, and work are my only little hideouts.  My life is pretty peaceful overall, but I’m beginning to understand the reason that solitude has become my new best friend.  I either trust too easily or I am overly weary of people.  I need to find a midpoint between the two.

I’ve been hurt more times than you can count, and it all happened from trusting too much, or maybe just trusting the wrong people period.  I’ll find that one positive trait in someone and I’ll build a whole friendship based on an expectation that I’ve created without even realizing it.

I said ALL that to say this…

We (and I mean I) have to accept people for who they ARE, and not who we (I) expect them to be.  Disappointment grows when we (I, you get the point) build ridiculously high, 10 foot standards that people have no possible way of measuring up to.  Maya Angelou said it best, “When people show you who they are…BELIEVE THEM.”

I told you I wasn’t perfect.  I never intended to tell the world all my secrets, but I’m understanding now, in my walk with God, that change only comes when you face your flaws, accept them as opportunities for growth, and step back so that He can step in.

Now you know this part of me.  That makes me accountable to you.

Please bepatientwithme. God is not through with me yet.


Flaws and All

I’m In Love

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Reposted from my old blog BoredNappy

I’ve been having an affair for too many years to count. No matter how much fun we had, I would always feel empty afterwards. It always felt like there should be something else. I never really felt complete. I catered to him, but it was never enough. He always wanted more. I gave my time, my energy, and opened my heart over and over again for it to just be snatched out and stepped on.

But, there was always someone waiting for me. He was always patient, always kind. He encouraged me and picked me up when I’d fall. He was always there with an encouraging word or a listening ear. When I was upset, he would just hold me and remind me that he’s here. He wanted to be my everything. I never understood why? I ignored him until I needed him. I rarely visited. He just wanted a chance and I wouldn’t give it to him. Just when I would feel myself beginning to give in to his pleading, I’d run away. He would ask me to trust him, I’d say no because I’m afraid. He wanted to help me. I told him I was independent. He knew everything about me, but he still wanted me. He accepted me regardless of all the bad I’d done. That still amazes me.

I’m too tired. I can’t run anymore. Well, all his pleading kinda got to me. I’m in love! It’s amazing that he waited until I was ready to love him back. The first time I paid attention to his touch, I felt brand spanking new. He made all my senses come alive. I finally “found” the man of my dreams, and he’s been here all along. It’s like a fairy tale and finally I get to be the Cinderella. And yes, my glass slipper fits perfectly!

My only regret is that I didn’t allow Christ into my life sooner…

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What’s in Your Mirror?

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Looking back over my life, both before and after being saved, I realize that God’s carried me and brought me a LOOOONNNGGG way from the person that I used to be. I’m definitely not perfect, nor will I ever be, but the Sonya of my past compared to the Sonya of the present are two totally different people. 

While meditating, I began wondering whether my reflection is of Religion or Spirituality? Do I display just the LOOK of a Christian or the ACTIONS of a Christian? Because this is a process, and I am still learning constantly, I realize that sometimes, maybe even more often than not, I am merely a display. That’s not a good look, and things have to change.

John 4:24 states that God is a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth. Everything in my life and my actions must change to reflect the light of Christ. I tend to hold on to some things and release others because my comfort zone is just so familiar.  If I’m honest with both God and myself, then I recognize my faults, admit my sin, and step back to allow Him to transform me into a brand spanking new creature.

The world and all the sin in and of it is what I’m used to. It’s what we’re all accustomed to accepting as the norm. This is not His way though. Romans 12:2 reminds me to Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 

I don’t know if you notice, but Daddy’s whooping my behind pretty good right now. 

Outward actions that are not of a positive nature are not of God, at all, in any way, shape, or form. I’ve often had a smile on my face, but not necessarily in my heart, so it’s not real. I’m not exactly fake, but spiritual things aren’t always in my head 24/7, so sometimes I step outside of Him and back into myself. We’ve got to do something about that. 

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:  against such there is no law.  So basically, if I am on team God and His spirit resides in me, this will be what I reflect.  I’m trying Lord, I’m trying. Every day, I’m a little better than I was the day before, so that’s progress right? 

Please be patient with me. God is not through with me yet.