To My Future ❤
There’s really no in between with me. I’m either for you or I don’t care. I feel love or indifference. I do have a rather blunt personality. Because of this, I don’t tolerate disorder and mess well. I don’t revel in it. And it sure enough does not make my liver quiver. I’m a very solitary person. I enjoy being home, spending time with my son, and yup, that’s about it. Church, home, and work are my only little hideouts. My life is pretty peaceful overall, but I’m beginning to understand the reason that solitude has become my new best friend. I either trust too easily or I am overly weary of people. I need to find a midpoint between the two.
I’ve been hurt more times than you can count, and it all happened from trusting too much, or maybe just trusting the wrong people period. I’ll find that one positive trait in someone and I’ll build a whole friendship based on an expectation that I’ve created without even realizing it.
I said ALL that to say this…
We (and I mean I) have to accept people for who they ARE, and not who we (I) expect them to be. Disappointment grows when we (I, you get the point) build ridiculously high, 10 foot standards that people have no possible way of measuring up to. Maya Angelou said it best, “When people show you who they are…BELIEVE THEM.”
I told you I wasn’t perfect. I never intended to tell the world all my secrets, but I’m understanding now, in my walk with God, that change only comes when you face your flaws, accept them as opportunities for growth, and step back so that He can step in.
Now you know this part of me. That makes me accountable to you.
Please bepatientwithme. God is not through with me yet.
I’ve heard all my life that everything that looked good to you wasn’t always good for you. I’m a hard head, so I always chose what looked good. From the easy path, to the handsome man, even the “surface” friends. If it looked good, I was THERE! Then the consequences came. With consequences come regret. All of this is a never ending cycle of “why me’s” and “I’ll do better’s.” Once again, life turns around and sucker punches me square in the jaw. That does NOT feel good.
I’ve cried, repented, prayed, asked God for forgiveness, talked to the trusted friend, and done it all again and I keep getting hit in the face with the past. Sometimes memories of yesterday become so real that they begin to drown out my gift, my present. It gets hard to enjoy now because of then. We have all, at some point in our lives, sinned and come short of God’s glory. But when do I get a break? I know I’m not THAT bad! Why is this movie of my past constantly replaying in my mind. I thought God forgave me?
Now, regardless of the life I lived in my PAST, I have always known with 100% certainty, that the Bible is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Every single word of it is totally guaranteed, and even as old as it is, God’s word is TIMELESS. This means that the word of God, and all the promises it holds, continue to remain valid and relevant, even today, even for me. FOR ME!!! Even, for a wretch like me.
FYI BREAK — All of this is coming to my mind as I’m speaking to you. The Holy Spirit within me. This is my revelation, my testimonies in black and white. I’m not the only person feeling this way. My hope is that you gain some clarity in your own struggles from my mistakes.
When God forgives, it’s over. The slate is clean. Now, we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions, and OUR memories will still linger, but a humble heart seeking forgiveness receives just that. The issues come in when we decide to hold on to the past, when we don’t forgive ourselves.
These scriptures are examples of His Mercy — Micah 7:18-19 & Nehemiah 9:31
This scripture, Luke 6:37, stuck out to me. The end of it says … forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.
Okay, so, am I the only person that just had a “I could have had a V8” moment?
It seems so super duper simple. If I forgive myself, if I forgive others, I shall be forgiven. It seems so simple yet so hard. I realize that we tend to focus on what’s important. We build a life around our main focus. If my life is shaped around a problem, then it gains priority. Is there any room left for God?
Well, once more and again, God is putting things in perspective for me. I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to obey.
It’s an amazing feeling to start something new, to step out in faith and do something that’s been on your mind forever. It fulfills you to actually know your purpose, then to begin moving in that purpose. Often we become so excited about our new “project” that we want to tell the world. We want everyone to be as pumped up about it as we are. That’s not always the case. Everybody in your life will not be overjoyed about your new “moving forward” mentality. Here comes the haters, the naysayers, the jealousy, and rudeness. First of all, realize that not everything is for everybody. When your business becomes public knowledge, then their opinion, in their minds, become a Holy Grail. Makes you wish you kept it to yourself huh?
When you step outside the limitations of your comfort zone, and you begin moving deeper, higher, closer to Christ, you cannot take everything or everyone with you. Your obedience in carrying out the will of God in your life will also require the sacrifice of the things and/or people that may have caused your separation from Him in the past. In order to receive all the benefits of a relationship with God, we have to first learn and put into practice, the art of keeping relationship business to ourselves. Often, what God gives you as revelation, is only for YOU at that moment and possibly for others later.
Proverbs 2:10-13 When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness