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Aside

There’s really no in between with me.  I’m either for you or I don’t care. I feel love or indifference.  I do have a rather blunt personality.  Because of this, I don’t tolerate disorder and mess well.  I don’t revel in it. And it sure enough does not make my liver quiver.  I’m a very solitary person.  I enjoy being home, spending time with my son, and yup, that’s about it.  Church, home, and work are my only little hideouts.  My life is pretty peaceful overall, but I’m beginning to understand the reason that solitude has become my new best friend.  I either trust too easily or I am overly weary of people.  I need to find a midpoint between the two.

I’ve been hurt more times than you can count, and it all happened from trusting too much, or maybe just trusting the wrong people period.  I’ll find that one positive trait in someone and I’ll build a whole friendship based on an expectation that I’ve created without even realizing it.

I said ALL that to say this…

We (and I mean I) have to accept people for who they ARE, and not who we (I) expect them to be.  Disappointment grows when we (I, you get the point) build ridiculously high, 10 foot standards that people have no possible way of measuring up to.  Maya Angelou said it best, “When people show you who they are…BELIEVE THEM.”

I told you I wasn’t perfect.  I never intended to tell the world all my secrets, but I’m understanding now, in my walk with God, that change only comes when you face your flaws, accept them as opportunities for growth, and step back so that He can step in.

Now you know this part of me.  That makes me accountable to you.

Please bepatientwithme. God is not through with me yet.


Flaws and All

Forgive for Forgiveness

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Forgiveness

I’ve heard all my life that everything that looked good to you wasn’t always good for you. I’m a hard head, so I always chose what looked good. From the easy path, to the handsome man, even the “surface” friends. If it looked good, I was THERE! Then the consequences came. With consequences come regret. All of this is a never ending cycle of “why me’s” and “I’ll do better’s.” Once again, life turns around and sucker punches me square in the jaw. That does NOT feel good.

I’ve cried, repented, prayed, asked God for forgiveness, talked to the trusted friend, and done it all again and I keep getting hit in the face with the past. Sometimes memories of yesterday become so real that they begin to drown out my gift, my present. It gets hard to enjoy now because of then. We have all, at some point in our lives, sinned and come short of God’s glory. But when do I get a break? I know I’m not THAT bad! Why is this movie of my past constantly replaying in my mind. I thought God forgave me?

Now, regardless of the life I lived in my PAST, I have always known with 100% certainty, that the Bible is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Every single word of it is totally guaranteed, and even as old as it is, God’s word is TIMELESS. This means that the word of God, and all the promises it holds, continue to remain valid and relevant, even today, even for me. FOR ME!!! Even, for a wretch like me.

FYI BREAK — All of this is coming to my mind as I’m speaking to you. The Holy Spirit within me. This is my revelation, my testimonies in black and white. I’m not the only person feeling this way. My hope is that you gain some clarity in your own struggles from my mistakes.

When God forgives, it’s over. The slate is clean. Now, we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions, and OUR memories will still linger, but a humble heart seeking forgiveness receives just that. The issues come in when we decide to hold on to the past, when we don’t forgive ourselves.

These scriptures are examples of His Mercy — Micah 7:18-19 & Nehemiah 9:31

This scripture, Luke 6:37, stuck out to me. The end of it says … forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.

Okay, so, am I the only person that just had a “I could have had a V8” moment?

It seems so super duper simple. If I forgive myself, if I forgive others, I shall be forgiven. It seems so simple yet so hard. I realize that we tend to focus on what’s important. We build a life around our main focus. If my life is shaped around a problem, then it gains priority. Is there any room left for God?

Well, once more and again, God is putting things in perspective for me. I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to obey.

I’m In Love

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Reposted from my old blog BoredNappy

I’ve been having an affair for too many years to count. No matter how much fun we had, I would always feel empty afterwards. It always felt like there should be something else. I never really felt complete. I catered to him, but it was never enough. He always wanted more. I gave my time, my energy, and opened my heart over and over again for it to just be snatched out and stepped on.

But, there was always someone waiting for me. He was always patient, always kind. He encouraged me and picked me up when I’d fall. He was always there with an encouraging word or a listening ear. When I was upset, he would just hold me and remind me that he’s here. He wanted to be my everything. I never understood why? I ignored him until I needed him. I rarely visited. He just wanted a chance and I wouldn’t give it to him. Just when I would feel myself beginning to give in to his pleading, I’d run away. He would ask me to trust him, I’d say no because I’m afraid. He wanted to help me. I told him I was independent. He knew everything about me, but he still wanted me. He accepted me regardless of all the bad I’d done. That still amazes me.

I’m too tired. I can’t run anymore. Well, all his pleading kinda got to me. I’m in love! It’s amazing that he waited until I was ready to love him back. The first time I paid attention to his touch, I felt brand spanking new. He made all my senses come alive. I finally “found” the man of my dreams, and he’s been here all along. It’s like a fairy tale and finally I get to be the Cinderella. And yes, my glass slipper fits perfectly!

My only regret is that I didn’t allow Christ into my life sooner…

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Check Your Priorities

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We are all a tiny part of a social circle in some form or fashion.  We spend the mandatory 8 hours with our coworkers, chill out with family, and the majority of us are online using Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Tumbler, Instagram, etc… You get the point. At the end of the day, after spending time with the rest of the world, we just want a bubble bath and a good night’s rest so we can do it all over again tomorrow. In the midst of all this, when does God get his personal time? Is He even on our lists of priorities, or just an afterthought? Do you give Him a quick, “Thank you Lord for this day” in the morning and a rushed, “Lord you’re worthy,” in the evening?  I’m just as guilty as everybody else. I’m not perfect at all. But I feel convicted because I know I haven’t devoted myself to quiet time with Him, and I know that I should.

God should be our first, last, and everything in between. We give excuses so often to justify reasons why we don’t have the time to have a true conversation with Daddy.  One of the most overused excuses I’ve heard is, “God knows my heart.”  We’ve got to do better.

FYI Break:  When I’m writing to you, you, and you, I’m ministering to myself FIRST. These posts are my thoughts, my feelings, my heart’s story. This is my online journal, and basically, I just felt the need to share it with you.  If you feel like you’re being pointed out, reevaluate yourself. It may be the beginning of your personal revelation. 

It’s true. God does know our hearts. He knew us, and created an assignment for our lives even before our creation.  But a real relationship takes time and requires sacrifice on both parts.  Spirituality requires effort. We are a “microwave generation.” We expect everything to come quick and easy. Well, I’m a living witness, that we do NOT serve a “microwave” God.  Ten years to us is merely a blink of an eye to God. We have to make a truly conscious decision to keep our relationship healthy.

Maybe we’ll have to sacrifice a bit of sleep sometimes just to sit down and listen to Him.  Basking in His presence will put a completely different spin on every part of your day. Fasting also plays a crucial part in becoming more in tune with your Spiritual life. The most important person to Him is You. That makes YOU your greatest offering.

Need more proof?  Click here >  Matthew 6:33, Romans 12:1, Psalm 45:11 <

Discretion of the Tongue

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ImageIt’s an amazing feeling to start something new, to step out in faith and do something that’s been on your mind forever. It fulfills you to actually know your purpose, then to begin moving in that purpose. Often we become so excited about our new “project” that we want to tell the world.  We want everyone to be as pumped up about it as we are.  That’s not always the case.  Everybody in your life will not be overjoyed about your new “moving forward” mentality.  Here comes the haters, the naysayers, the jealousy, and rudeness.  First of all, realize that not everything is for everybody.  When your business becomes public knowledge, then their opinion, in their minds, become a Holy Grail. Makes you wish you kept it to yourself huh?

When you step outside the limitations of your comfort zone, and you begin moving deeper, higher, closer to Christ, you cannot take everything or everyone with you. Your obedience in carrying out the will of God in your life will also require the sacrifice of the things and/or people that may have caused your separation from Him in the past.  In order to receive all the benefits of a relationship with God, we have to first learn and put into practice, the art of keeping relationship business to ourselves.  Often, what God gives you as revelation, is only for YOU at that moment and possibly for others later.

Proverbs 2:10-13 When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness

Wanna Hear a Secret?

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I’ve been single for what seems like forever and three days.  I’ve got all the cliche’ lines and even some funny stories about the dreaded “dating scene.” I was constantly praying for God to send me that good man. Well, he never showed up. Then i prayed, Lord, let your will be done.  Well, even after that prayer “good man” still left me alone. So later, I began to pray for my husband. I mean pray that his walk with God be upright and that his heart be mended from whatever he’s dealt with in life. I’ve prayed for his job, our child(ren) together, his leadership abilities within the family, as well as his heart. And I’m still not married. I continue to be in prayer and expectation both for and about my man of God although we haven’t crossed paths (that I know of), simply because I do know that at SOME time, in God’s time, I will have my “One.” That’s called Faith y’all. I’m excited about my life.  

I’ve figured out the secret though.  

Are YOU single too? Wanna know my secret? Shhhh. Now lean in close…Nah, I’m just joshing you, and it’s really NOT a secret if you take the time to do a little studying. Let me explain it to you.

First of all, we can pray for everything and everybody, that’s fine and dandy, but God is NOT a genie in a bottle. He doesn’t grant wishes. Scripture says in Matthew 6:33 – But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Ohhhkay, so basically, I’m told to first, search for, thirst after, thrive to be apart of God’s kingdom and under his powerful hand, and I’ll receive an abundance of blessings.

But then, digging a little further, I found Jeremiah 29:11 saying For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. So let me get this straight.  Only God can love me unconditionally the way He does.  He wants me to be at peace in my situation because He’s the author of my life.  Well, I couldn’t really just stop reading there. I still had questions that needed to be answered and I’m ready NOW LORD!  Aaannnddd I was then led to Philippians 4:6 which tells me to Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God. Nooo, He didn’t stop there, but Philippians 4:11 states Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 

So basically, it all comes down to submission. Word of the day, right smack dab in the middle of most of the married people fights. I’m there, but not 100%. Maybe about 85% in submission to God. He’s teaching me to first willingly submit to His love, His chastisement, and to His will.  God is the One that wants to give me everlasting joy and a peace that surpasses the understanding of Man. Find contentment in THIS state and give Him my all. Right now, there’s no husband distractions keeping me from worship with my Father. He is my covering, my protector, my Lord and Savior, and He will continue to supply my needs as well as the desires of my heart. So, I now understand that my future was predestined, and since His will is the only one I have an interest in following, I’ll just be patient. I’m still being molded.