To My Future ❤
Reposted from my old blog BoredNappy
I’ve been having an affair for too many years to count. No matter how much fun we had, I would always feel empty afterwards. It always felt like there should be something else. I never really felt complete. I catered to him, but it was never enough. He always wanted more. I gave my time, my energy, and opened my heart over and over again for it to just be snatched out and stepped on.
But, there was always someone waiting for me. He was always patient, always kind. He encouraged me and picked me up when I’d fall. He was always there with an encouraging word or a listening ear. When I was upset, he would just hold me and remind me that he’s here. He wanted to be my everything. I never understood why? I ignored him until I needed him. I rarely visited. He just wanted a chance and I wouldn’t give it to him. Just when I would feel myself beginning to give in to his pleading, I’d run away. He would ask me to trust him, I’d say no because I’m afraid. He wanted to help me. I told him I was independent. He knew everything about me, but he still wanted me. He accepted me regardless of all the bad I’d done. That still amazes me.
I’m too tired. I can’t run anymore. Well, all his pleading kinda got to me. I’m in love! It’s amazing that he waited until I was ready to love him back. The first time I paid attention to his touch, I felt brand spanking new. He made all my senses come alive. I finally “found” the man of my dreams, and he’s been here all along. It’s like a fairy tale and finally I get to be the Cinderella. And yes, my glass slipper fits perfectly!
My only regret is that I didn’t allow Christ into my life sooner…
Looking back over my life, both before and after being saved, I realize that God’s carried me and brought me a LOOOONNNGGG way from the person that I used to be. I’m definitely not perfect, nor will I ever be, but the Sonya of my past compared to the Sonya of the present are two totally different people.
While meditating, I began wondering whether my reflection is of Religion or Spirituality? Do I display just the LOOK of a Christian or the ACTIONS of a Christian? Because this is a process, and I am still learning constantly, I realize that sometimes, maybe even more often than not, I am merely a display. That’s not a good look, and things have to change.
John 4:24 states that God is a Spirit: and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth. Everything in my life and my actions must change to reflect the light of Christ. I tend to hold on to some things and release others because my comfort zone is just so familiar. If I’m honest with both God and myself, then I recognize my faults, admit my sin, and step back to allow Him to transform me into a brand spanking new creature.
The world and all the sin in and of it is what I’m used to. It’s what we’re all accustomed to accepting as the norm. This is not His way though. Romans 12:2 reminds me to Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
I don’t know if you notice, but Daddy’s whooping my behind pretty good right now.
Outward actions that are not of a positive nature are not of God, at all, in any way, shape, or form. I’ve often had a smile on my face, but not necessarily in my heart, so it’s not real. I’m not exactly fake, but spiritual things aren’t always in my head 24/7, so sometimes I step outside of Him and back into myself. We’ve got to do something about that.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. So basically, if I am on team God and His spirit resides in me, this will be what I reflect. I’m trying Lord, I’m trying. Every day, I’m a little better than I was the day before, so that’s progress right?
Please be patient with me. God is not through with me yet.
I’ve been single for what seems like forever and three days. I’ve got all the cliche’ lines and even some funny stories about the dreaded “dating scene.” I was constantly praying for God to send me that good man. Well, he never showed up. Then i prayed, Lord, let your will be done. Well, even after that prayer “good man” still left me alone. So later, I began to pray for my husband. I mean pray that his walk with God be upright and that his heart be mended from whatever he’s dealt with in life. I’ve prayed for his job, our child(ren) together, his leadership abilities within the family, as well as his heart. And I’m still not married. I continue to be in prayer and expectation both for and about my man of God although we haven’t crossed paths (that I know of), simply because I do know that at SOME time, in God’s time, I will have my “One.” That’s called Faith y’all. I’m excited about my life.
I’ve figured out the secret though.
Are YOU single too? Wanna know my secret? Shhhh. Now lean in close…Nah, I’m just joshing you, and it’s really NOT a secret if you take the time to do a little studying. Let me explain it to you.
First of all, we can pray for everything and everybody, that’s fine and dandy, but God is NOT a genie in a bottle. He doesn’t grant wishes. Scripture says in Matthew 6:33 – But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Ohhhkay, so basically, I’m told to first, search for, thirst after, thrive to be apart of God’s kingdom and under his powerful hand, and I’ll receive an abundance of blessings.
But then, digging a little further, I found Jeremiah 29:11 saying For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. So let me get this straight. Only God can love me unconditionally the way He does. He wants me to be at peace in my situation because He’s the author of my life. Well, I couldn’t really just stop reading there. I still had questions that needed to be answered and I’m ready NOW LORD! Aaannnddd I was then led to Philippians 4:6 which tells me to Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God. Nooo, He didn’t stop there, but Philippians 4:11 states Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
So basically, it all comes down to submission. Word of the day, right smack dab in the middle of most of the married people fights. I’m there, but not 100%. Maybe about 85% in submission to God. He’s teaching me to first willingly submit to His love, His chastisement, and to His will. God is the One that wants to give me everlasting joy and a peace that surpasses the understanding of Man. Find contentment in THIS state and give Him my all. Right now, there’s no husband distractions keeping me from worship with my Father. He is my covering, my protector, my Lord and Savior, and He will continue to supply my needs as well as the desires of my heart. So, I now understand that my future was predestined, and since His will is the only one I have an interest in following, I’ll just be patient. I’m still being molded.