Tag Archives: worthy

My Past is Not My Present

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It’s not ok to take something that doesn’t belong to you.  If it’s not freely given, it’s not yours.  Women are people.  They have feelings.  Don’t treat a woman any way you wouldn’t want someone to treat your mother and your daughter.

I’ve dealt with my share of abuses.  Verbal, emotional, and physical.  Because of this, I am in a constant state of letting go.  Just when I think the pain is gone, that dark reminder creeps back up and almost paralyzes me.  Every single day, I become better than the day before.  I used to live in a constant state of fear and paranoia.  I was molested and raped for so long that I honestly thought that the only way to receive love from a man was to offer my body.  There were no feelings attached.  For a moment though, I felt important.  Then when the morning came, I was nothing all over again.  I became a willing doormat, a garbage receptacle.  To be cursed and told that I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough to be seen in public with my “man” was a small price to pay to have somebody in my life.  This is to be expected.  This is the best I’ll ever have.  I accepted infidelity.  That only meant that I needed to step up my game.  I needed to be the best ride or die chick.  I’m lame, so to be a part of that “crowd” I dabbled in drugs and heavy drinking.  Now I’m cool.  I separated the broken Sonya from the fun Sonya, so my life was one long unhappy party.  Clubbing, boozing, drugs, and sex with a huge smile on the outside while I was withering away on the inside.  I knew it wasn’t right.  That life never really had the right “fit”.  I always wanted more, but I was so crushed by LIFE.  And the worst part is, I was too afraid to tell anyone.  I didn’t want pity because I felt it was MY FAULT.  I didn’t want anyone to blame themselves, so I hid it for so many years.  I was such a castaway, so worthless, that death wouldn’t even accept me.   

And then I met the one man that had a lifelong desire to be my Ride or Die.  He noticed ME.  He looked beyond my facade and accepted me, right where I was, all grimy and disheveled.  He didn’t make me feel like an object, and He reminded me over and over and over again just how important I am to Him.  Just how much I’m LOVED!  I never felt whole, complete, until I accepted Christ.  I could just talk to Him about ANYTHING and He never judged me.  The best thing about my Father is that if I throw my garbage, my mess, my issues on His shoulders, He gives me the strength to lift my shoulders and to stand tall and finally be proud of being just me.  He validates me, so I don’t have to intertwine my soul with another and another and another to know that I am adored.  I’m so thankful for Him introducing me to His design.  I can’t knock His creation.

I often wonder how many other women feel this way?  Abuse is never okay.  You are worth so much more.  The only way to stop it is to call it what it is.  Rape.  Molestation.  Assault.  Emotional Abuse.  It’s all darkness.  Talk about it.  Ask your local church for assistance.  Go to the police.  Just know that YOU ARE WORTHY!  You have a purpose.  Enough is enough.

If you’ve been a victim of rape or molestation click here

If you are a victim of domestic violence click here 

Check Your Priorities

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We are all a tiny part of a social circle in some form or fashion.  We spend the mandatory 8 hours with our coworkers, chill out with family, and the majority of us are online using Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Tumbler, Instagram, etc… You get the point. At the end of the day, after spending time with the rest of the world, we just want a bubble bath and a good night’s rest so we can do it all over again tomorrow. In the midst of all this, when does God get his personal time? Is He even on our lists of priorities, or just an afterthought? Do you give Him a quick, “Thank you Lord for this day” in the morning and a rushed, “Lord you’re worthy,” in the evening?  I’m just as guilty as everybody else. I’m not perfect at all. But I feel convicted because I know I haven’t devoted myself to quiet time with Him, and I know that I should.

God should be our first, last, and everything in between. We give excuses so often to justify reasons why we don’t have the time to have a true conversation with Daddy.  One of the most overused excuses I’ve heard is, “God knows my heart.”  We’ve got to do better.

FYI Break:  When I’m writing to you, you, and you, I’m ministering to myself FIRST. These posts are my thoughts, my feelings, my heart’s story. This is my online journal, and basically, I just felt the need to share it with you.  If you feel like you’re being pointed out, reevaluate yourself. It may be the beginning of your personal revelation. 

It’s true. God does know our hearts. He knew us, and created an assignment for our lives even before our creation.  But a real relationship takes time and requires sacrifice on both parts.  Spirituality requires effort. We are a “microwave generation.” We expect everything to come quick and easy. Well, I’m a living witness, that we do NOT serve a “microwave” God.  Ten years to us is merely a blink of an eye to God. We have to make a truly conscious decision to keep our relationship healthy.

Maybe we’ll have to sacrifice a bit of sleep sometimes just to sit down and listen to Him.  Basking in His presence will put a completely different spin on every part of your day. Fasting also plays a crucial part in becoming more in tune with your Spiritual life. The most important person to Him is You. That makes YOU your greatest offering.

Need more proof?  Click here >  Matthew 6:33, Romans 12:1, Psalm 45:11 <